So it Begins......Again

New beginnings, fresh starts, and clean slates, these are the expressions that float around like confetti in Time Square as soon as the ball drops on New Year’s Day.  While yes I do participate in the self-improvement band wagon that is the New Year’s resolutions, this is a new beginning in a different way….

Almost exactly one year ago, I began writing this blog. I described it as, “A page made up of mainly my venting of experiences while dating medical school student, frustrating situations, fights, advice, and the occasional complaining. If this can help other significant others who are dating someone in medical school great, if not then hey at least I haven outlet right?”

Ugh reading that now even I would hit the thumbs down button….

Sure, a lot of these posts are inspired by and full of personal experiences as well as frustrations that come with dating a medical student. However, the way that I chose to describe those experiences as well as how I handled them were simply sophomoric.

Quite frankly, I thought I had deleted this thing following a few bad comments I received when I first posted. I couldn't take the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.

When I stumbled upon this blog again today, I decided to delete every post there was and yes, you guessed it, begin again. So here we go, back to the drawing board.

This all started very, very simple.

It was late on a week night, and I had decided that I was pretty hungry. Our dining hall always had chicken patties and French fries out any time after 7:00, and to me, that was exactly what I was looking for. Changing out of my sweat pants was not in the plans for me that night, so I grabbed a tank top and a zip-up and headed out.

Little did I know that I would be spotted by my floor mate, who would then ask me to sit with her. When I agreed, I also was not aware that she was not sitting alone…..enter guy of my dreams.  Of course it was him and some other friends, but I only seemed to notice him.  I was also noticing of course how I reallllly should have considered that wardrobe change before I left the dorm, but it was too late now. He had so many qualities that were good he almost seemed too good….. Funny, beautiful smile, Catholic, handsome as hell, and we had similar morals….needless to say I was a fan.

Without turning this into a “this is my love story let me brag about it” blog, let me make a long story short. We became best friends, I tried to hook him up with another girl, and in the end we realized it was each other that we wanted the whole time.

Five years later, and he is still the love of my life.

Because of the fact we came from different sides of the country, long distance was often a factor in our relationship. Let me tell you, being apart from the one you love really teaches you to appreciate the small things. Missing their hugs, a squeeze of their hand, the way they kiss you good night, or simply just their scent can make you weak at the knees. We were apart every Christmas for one month, summer for three months, and then graduation came.

Medical school was also always front and center in our relationship. He had been accepted into a program that would allow him to start medical school in the nation’s capital as soon as he completed the pre-med requirements.

He knew that at the end of the summer he was off to D.C. to start medical school, but for me, I was a journalism major, and I had been looking for a job for a countless number months. When you’re in school you think that as soon as you’re out that you’re going to get countless offers, and land a seat in your dream job before you know it. I was guilty of this as well. However, as the months went by I realized how difficult it really is to find a job. Sure there were offers, but with that you also learn about the real world. Things like salary, rent, utilities, and basic living needs become a factor in what job you choose.

During my search, he eventually started school, and I was still at home in my small town in Upstate New York. We thought it would be the same as long distance, but with medical school in the mix. We entered a whole new world.

“He will never have any time for you,” and “Most relationships don’t make it through the first semester,” those were the hardest to hear from everyone around us when we started this journey. These were also true. Couples we knew didn't make it. We thought, it can’t be that bad, they just aren't us, it’s just school it can’t be that hard. I am not too proud to admit how right those people truly were. Time became something much more important that we ever imagined it would. Time to study, time to sleep, eat, shower, and time to be together, these things all had to be planned now. Unfortunately, one of those things is mandatory to be successful, and the other is simply a perk. I was the latter.

Imagine waking up every day in small house. You get into your car for your 15 minute commute to the metro. Then you sit on the train for 10 minutes before you transfer to another train. After that you now sit for another 30 minutes before you arrive at school. You then take notes, study, and learn. You get a few minutes to eat. After that you must challenge yourself to keep said lunch down as you cut into a cadaver where the smell of formaldehyde seems to find its way into everything like your skin, hair, and clothes. You commute back to your small house again, pop something quick (and most likely unhealthy) and study some more. Add in time to try to talk to your significant other long enough to make them happy, call your mother so she knows you’re alive (because you can’t remember the last time you called them) shower, and do it all again.

For me, it was working a part-time job (that I loved), but had NOTHING to do with my career. I would come home and apply for countless jobs, a majority of wish I was either rejected, or had to dish out what little money I had to go to interviews, and again had to deal the rejection, or being offered a job that I simply couldn't live off of. It was disheartening. Feeling like you had just accomplished something so amazing, but being told you weren't good enough. You find yourself dealing with the issue of no experience vs. getting experience. On top of that I was missing him like crazy. I wanted to talk to him, Skype him, and have him make me feel better. There just wasn't enough time. I began having to learn the difference between what was important and what wasn't. You become faced with new experiences as well, which can in some ways become stressful. You have to learn what it means for your boyfriend to see a woman’s body in a professional sense. Everything we knew was becoming very different from what we had before.

He couldn't sit and Skype for hours like he used to. He couldn't text all the time like before. Our relationship became very time-based. Conversations had to have a time cap, fights had to have a time cap, and stories had to be short. I am not too proud to say that that first semester we fought a lot. I wanted more attention, and he didn't have the time to deal with that situation because he had a larger situation one in front of him that was more important, his future.

We learned how to make it work. We would set up Skype at night and talk for about 30 minutes while he ate dinner. After that was over, he would continue doing work, and I would apply for more jobs, but we would leave Skype on. It was almost comforting to feel like they were right there, even though we weren't talking. Like when you go with a friend to study in the library and you’re both doing work, but you like the company.  That’s what it was for us. Good morning and good night calls became the most exiting parts of our days, and we even managed to start setting up visits to see each other.

One magical day, 8 months after I graduated, I sent in an application to a communications company located in Washington, D.C. As I was going to get ready to go to my part-time job, my computer alerted me of a new email, another rejection, I so confidently thought it my head. However, this time it was a request for an interview, in 30 minutes on the phone. I jumped in my car, and sat in the parking lot of my job waiting for the phone to ring……it finally did.

Four days later, I was headed to D.C. for an in-person interview. This could be it. My flight was delayed 3 times, and I missed my interview. I figured that was a lost shot, but the manager of the company I was interviewing with said they would meet with me the next day, and not to worry. I was in shock. After an extra night with him, it was off to the interview.  With the desired salary, prime location, boyfriend right down the road, combined with everything the company was made up of, this was the one I wanted. I wanted it bad.

A few hours before my flight home, we decided to go out to eat. We were elbow deep in a bowl of Chili’s guacamole when my phone went off. I got it. Did I read that right? I got the job. And yes, my happiest moment was in a Chili’s. Within just two weeks I was on a plane, and was off to my new life with my boyfriend. Everything was about to change. This was our new beginning together, as well as a new challenge.

Granted at this point, everything here basically looks like a ‘Let me tell you how much I love my boyfriend’ blog, but I promise it isn't, and if you’re still reading this, thank you for sticking with me.

While yes I do love my boyfriend, it’s important for you to understand our relationship, because with this new start, also comes medical school up close and personal.  While we do love each other, sometimes we hate each other. Where our relationship is so simple, medical school can complicate things. We have so much fun together, and yet sometimes we fight. We were starting a new life together yes, but individually we were both starting something completely different.

He was going to be a med student now living with his non-medical student girlfriend, who he now felt responsible for because she moved out there to be with him. I had moved away from home for the first time, was starting my first job, and dealing with the fact that the one person I had there, didn't exactly have all the time in the world to keep me company or help me get adjusted. However, that wasn't his responsibility. I know he carries the burden of feeling as though I changed my entire world to be with him, so I am his responsibility to make happy, etc.  While yes, the fact that he was in D.C. heavily influenced my decisions, this was a choice I made for myself.  This was for me. If we don’t work out, then in my heart I know I did everything I could to keep us together. We are working together towards the same goal. However, aside from him, I was making my mark in the nation’s capital. I was moving away from home to make a name for myself, and he was helping me to do that. Despite everything, he is my best friend.

During all of these changes, I looked everywhere for blogs or stories regarding ‘Tips for dating a medical student’ or ‘what it’s like dating a medical student.’ To my surprise, there was no such luck. So I decided to make my own. I would have loved to have had someone’s experiences to relate with or learn from. Instead, we had to figure it out on our own.

That’s what this blog is about, my experiences and advice on dating a medical student, as well as my experiences in starting a new life in a new city. Sure, some days I may write about a fight, or sound a little bitter. Some posts I may complain a little more than others. However, I feel like that’s what makes this blog real. If I simply made everything seem normal or black and white, why would you believe anything that I say, or even begin to relate to this experience?

Maybe this blog can help someone else with their transition into a new chapter in their lives. Perhaps, this can help a couple make it through the challenges of medical school. If this helps one person, then my goal was reached.

So the first piece of advice that may be the most important of them all, and quite frankly may be carved into your tombstone is this:

Get ready to hear three words more than any other phrase you will hear your entire relationship, “Babe, I’m studying.”